Foot Prints in the Sand
The following journal entry takes place while completing one of the steps in our deputation process which is to attend a two week class on how to learn a new language and how to understand how that language relates to the culture. We were assigned during the class to write a reflective paper about how we are feeling, growing, and our thoughts of integrating language and culture to our ministry. Anyone who knows me really well, knows that prior to this class I was really afraid of the language learning process and prior to this training had been struggling with this season that God had our family in. We were in a place where our fundraising had hit a plateau and I was struggling with God's timing and purpose for us in this time.
Please read the story below and think about it in terms of your own life and walk with God. Where are you at and what road is God asking you to travel down?
While enjoying the countryside of North Carolina via cycling after completing this day’s class on Second Language Acquisition, I came across an old road that caught my attention and possibly best classifies my outlook of learning a new language and culture as well as, the spiritual and emotional path my family has been on during this process of transitioning from being a missionary in my everyday life (where I live and work) to working in the mission field. The following visually describes a little about where I have been, what I can see ahead, and where I have confidence that God will give me the strength to end up.
Initially this journey that our family has been on, the road has been paved and pretty smooth. We have encountered some discomfort creeping in on the sides that is causing us to grow and be stretched but overall we can see where we are going, as well as, look back and see where we have been without much trouble. As I look to the right I can see the barb wire protecting me from danger, but on my left I may be tempted to look over and step off the road into the wild brush, but overall the path is pretty clear and easy to stay on track.
With the confidence of God’s calling on our lives we knew where we were going but the further we traveled down this “Newly Appointed Missionary”, the path quickly became more difficult to follow with patches of “the Way” sparsely showing me the path.
Insecurities that I have
never experienced struck me with such intensity I felt rendered nearly useless.
Insecurities such as:
· Personal Identity
· Not Good Enough
· No Turning Back
· Intangible GoalsAll of these emotions flooded in from the edges, hitting me like a ton of bricks. The path nearly and instantly became unclear from all directions. With conversation and prayer with other Christian brothers and sisters it seemed as if nothing helped, as if the path was dark and I was stuck, and had no idea which way to move.